Sometimes it's just the littlest of things...

The official kick off of the holiday decorating found me and my daughter knee deep in sorting. I decided it was finally time to sort and separate and dispose of some of my myriad of decorations and holiday knickknacks. Whew.... We pooped out long before the job was done but this is what we've done so far....

These are the boxes of decorations we are taking to the Goodwill. Surprisingly, it was pretty easy to weed out this much. I must admit I felt like I was on "Hoarders" as my daughter would hold up items with the "keep or toss" look on her face. I think so far we may have tossed more than we kept. It really does feel good.

I'd like to go on record that "toss" does not mean it goes to the dump. These boxes are all full of quite nice things that I am sure someone will be happy to own. Such as my Christmas Angels in the red Bon Marche bag.

I realize these are quite dated.... Older than my own children. I made these in my early 20's from a pattern in a magazine, probably Good Housekeeping or Redbook. They haven't seen a Christmas in many many years but I just couldn't give them up. This is finally the year to do so. Can I say I'm a bit sad that neither daughter wanted them? Okay, I can understand why, but still...??!!??

Just in case you were curious about their size, here they are in the man cave perched on two of our Ikea chairs. Yup, they are wearing real baby socks and shoes.

Next up are the boxes that are going to the dump.

To be fair, two of them are recycling, broken down boxes and fill paper. Only one is real garbage. But just think... between the two, give-aways and garbage, I have eliminated about eight boxes from our storage! Woot woot!!

All in all it just wasn't too tough. Did I just happen to be in the right mood or am I really getting tired of so much S.T.U.F.F.?? The most emotional time was coming across this:

It's a blue/greenish metallic paper coated box top. Just a piece of junk, literally. I don't even know if the bottom of the box exists. What I do know is this, it was a box that my Mom had used for Christmas things for years. Many many years.

You can't read it, but beneath the "Hutzler Brothers Co." it says Baltimore. We left the east coast and moved back to Seattle in 1961 or '62, so it's at least that old. I think Mom may have kept Christmas cards received or to be written in the box. I seem to remember it with a rubber band holding it closed. No matter what was originally in this box, it has passed through the years and must have been unconsciously noted each year as we set about bringing out Christmas. Nothing I sorted through evoked as much emotion as this broken little box top. Such a silly little thing.

November 3, 2010

I feel sick today. Not the cold and cough I've been feeling that past week, but physically sick and on the verge of tears.

I am so disappointed in my country. The elections did not go as I had hoped last night and I am really afraid. Afraid of the future and what the Tea Party and the Party of NO will do to us.

Two years ago I had Hope. We had a shiny new president who wanted to move this country forward into better times. It didn't seem so hard to fathom being possible after what Bush Jr. left us with. But even though we had a majority in DC, the Party of NO did everything possible to keep our country at a standstill. Everything became blamed on Obama. Everything includes the economy and all the nasty things put into motion under Bush. If you listen to the Party of No, you'd think that there were no problems in our country prior to Obama.

And what have we heard for the past two years?? Slander against our own Muslim countrymen (and women). More and more hate toward immigrants, non-Christian religions, Gays & Lesbians, etc. Comparing our President to Hitler. Promoting lies about his citizenship. Where was the drive to Do Something Good For Our Country, other than undermine everything. We didn't have politicians working on our behalf, we had politicians working against the President.

I have to interject here my thoughts about this. There has been so much propaganda directed toward President Obama in such hateful and irresponsible means. How has this been any different than the Dixie Chicks publicly denouncing and voicing their opinions of Bush? It's been much worse, and yet promoted by the very people that were Horrified by The Dixie Chicks. What hypocrisy!!

Where has the concern been about our country? It's been buried under the Big Money behind the Tea Partiers (yes, I do believe you are puppets of the very rich and not so famous) and the Party of NO. This election has put the very people in office that have worked harder to deface and defame our country than to CHANGE the way things work and give it a chance.

I literally want to cry. We are officially now moving backwards into the dark days of Bush. The American Dream is gone people. You've just handed it over to Big Money. I used to think our country as a collective had a conscience. I thought Unions were a thing of the past because we now Cared about our workers, the work conditions, pay & safety. But Big Money cares only about the bottom line and de-regulation and union breaking and lining their own pockets with gold. Big Money wants to be in charge of our country and will buy the people to do it.

I don't think things will be better. I think they will be harder than ever. You may have a little more money in your pocket with a few less taxes, but how long will it be before you realize that a lot of other things have disappeared? 40-45 kids in a classroom? Ack! Well, the parents will help out, if one of them can get time off from their two jobs. And the teachers that lost their jobs due to cutbacks can just flip burgers, right? Don't worry about Social Security - you won't need or want that extra income when the time comes. Did you know that SS kicks in if you lose a spouse and helps you raise your kids? Pray everyone stays healthy. Especially since you won't be able to afford health care anyway. And even if you do, the Insurance Company will tell you what you can and cannot do. Oh, don't worry, the Death Panel has been in place for a long long time!!

Teachers, Police Officers, Firemen, Public Parks, Judges, Mailmen, Road crews, USDA (food safety), etc, etc, etc.... more people than you imagine are paid through taxes. Let's help them say goodbye to their jobs and welcome them to the unemployment lines so you can have a little more money in your pockets on behalf of Big Money. Big Money thanks you as they take their huge tax cuts and invest them overseas or create another financial fiasco like the housing industry. They didn't lose anything there, you know. And not because of the bailouts, but because they had guarantees and those bad loans that let them walk away unscathed. It's not only true, They Were Betting On The Loans FAILING, because the payoffs were better than the loans themselves. Ask someone who just lost their home how they feel about That?

ObamaCare. It was actually a good word, because he does care. I'm sorry there was so much working against him. And yes, I am angry at the Democrats for not being stronger, more demanding and more vocal. And I am angry that as they tried to reach across the aisle they simply got kicked in the teeth and bullied.

Be prepared. America lost it's dream last night. We are not the land of opportunity and equality. We are becoming two class society and most all of us won't be in the upper class. We don't care for our citizens, we abhor them and see them as leeches who want to suck us dry. Although we seem to hate Muslims, Jews, Arabs, Mexicans, Gays & Lesbians, Homeless, Ill & Dying people and so many more, I just can't fathom how we can refer to ourselves as "Christian" (even though we are so many more faiths).

Rain, Rain, Go Away!

After a bit of a rocky start we managed to get going on the staining of our deck this weekend. Err.. maybe I should say Mark got going.

We cleared off all the patio furniture, relegating it to new homes, either on the cement patio outside the basement door or on the front porch. I've been meaning to move a couple of those chairs to the front for a long time now and I have to say it's a great place for them! Nice area to read in the somewhat cooler afternoons and watch the neighbor kids enjoying the last of their summer days.

Then came the task assigned to Mark, the cleaning and bleaching of all the deck surfaces. It looks so good - I woke up Sunday morning and stood at my window looking down in appreciation and joy. What a beautiful deck we have! Now we just have to give it 48 hours before we (Mark) can go back and apply the stain.

So of course today we have rain. Bleh. I had been wanting rain to help distress my paper bundles swinging gently above the porch. You can see them in the photo - paper bundled up and hanging in the outdoor weather to be seasoned and distressed. In a few months I will take it apart and use the weathered papers for other projects. But today I would have skipped the rain in favor of the porch over my bundles.

That staining will have to be postponed just a little bit longer. Hopefully not too long. I guess I need to be careful of what I wish for!

Go Ahead, Make My Day...

This is another story that occurred in the dark ages. No kids in our lives yet, still a dink couple.

Remember that acronym? Double Income No Kids? D.I.N.K.

Mark was driving for Schucks and usually had a late run on Fridays which sort of cut into our weekends. Not to mention it made me a little nervous that he was on the road on a Friday night when the bars were closing and the drunks were hitting the streets. That was another lifetime ago and fortunately, he survived it.

I'm not sure why it happened but Mark informed me that he was off on an upcoming Friday and what would we like to do? OMG, there are so many options when you are dinks and free to go and do whatever you feel like!! We started tossing ideas into the pot and tentatively making plans.

Then "IT" happened. Mark told me that his friend Al had tickets to the Mariners and he was going to spend Friday night with Al. I was so mad I couldn't even speak. I don't recall if we really had an all out fight or if I just went into Silent Mode. I think it was the latter, because I seem to remember Mark continued to putt around with blinders on, not even noticing that I was mad... which of course just added fuel to the fire. He might as well have sprayed me with lighter fluid and got out the marshmallows to roast over the bonfire that was my anger, I was that hot!

Friday morning I went through my usual routine and off to work. Sometime during the morning he gives me a call and asks if I want to have lunch with him. I grudgingly agree to, but know in my heart I am going to do all I can to make that lunch miserable for him. How dare he blow off our weekend for a Mariner game that he's not even taking me to?

How Dare He!

Mark shows up at my job and pops his head into my boss's office and chit chats with him while I am grabbing my purse. I stood outside the door with a sour face plastered on while he makes nice with my boss. GRrrr... Then he asks if I am ready and walks me out to the car. He's such a gentleman and opens the door for me.

Whatever.

Doesn't he get that I am mad? M. A. D. MAD!! Does he have a brick for a brain that he can't even read this level of emotion??

He pulls out of the parking lot and heads to the freeway telling me he knows a great little place to go to lunch. Nice, Dude, whatever. We are on the freeway about 15 minutes and I'm starting to get a little anxious on top of my mad. Mark knows I only have a 45 minute lunch break, what the heck? He's going to take me to some "great little place" at which I'll have to gobble down my meal in three minutes flat to get back to work on time? My husband is not scoring any points with me. So much so that he is way below zero and far into the negative points. He's going to owe me big time by the time this is all behind us and I deign him worthy of speaking to again.

Finally, 20 or 30 minutes into the drive I have to speak to him and I start with as much sarcasm as I can muster.

"You do know I only have 45 minutes for lunch."

He responds with some off hand, perfectly calm, oblivious to my mood answer. He points to the glove box and tells me to open it. Again, What.Ever!

In the glove box is a card, and in this card are three little words:

Are you ready for this? It's not the usual three little words...

You've

Been

Kidnapped!

He tells me my boss is not expecting me back at work this afternoon. He tells me my clothes are all packed in the back of the car. He tells me we are off to the cabin (yes, that cabin!). And he tells me he loves me and wants to spend this rare weekend with me, not Al.

He even packed my cross stitch project and the book I was reading. What a guy!

Cabin Fever

I'm going to share a little story that happened back in the Olden Days, long before kids or even marriage, for that matter. It was not long after my husband and I had started dating. I think I may have met his parents already but not anyone else in his family. We were just kids having a good time dating.

Hubby's parents own a cabin in the north Cascades. He thought it would be nice for us to join them at this cabin for a weekend. It's on a river where we can fish and of course, being in the mountains, there are lots of hikes to do. And it was going to be a sweet little get away for my birthday. The first time we ever celebrated my birthday together.

At that time we both owned mini-pickup trucks. Mine was a Dodge D-50, my steady eddy never-let-me-down pick up. I loved her! His was a Chevy Luv. I didn't know much about his truck, but my little black & gold girl was much prettier. We discussed who's truck we should drive to the cabin and I really thought it should be mine. But he insisted we should take his. We were leaving later in the day and would be arriving at the cabin after dark. The roads up there don't have much traffic and if something should happen to us, or the truck, we'd have a CB radio to call for help.

Remember those? CB radios? I think truckers still use them. There was a time in the 70's & 80's that even normal people thought they were fun to have in your car or truck. Along with lifters, radar detectors and the biggest woofers you can fit in. But I digress...

So, the weekend comes and after work we head out of town and up to the cabin. It takes a couple hours to get there, about half of it freeway driving and the second half on Hwy 2. Hwy 2 is one lane of travel in each direction and the further east you go, the smaller the infrequent towns get. The climb into the mountains is very rural.

Once we have left the freeway behind us and travel about 45 minutes or so east into the mountains, the truck begins to lose power. The little Chevy Luv truck. The little blue truck with the CB radio. Whew, who knew? We're rolling onto the shoulder of the road, coming to a stop, but at least we have a CB radio, right?? Thank goodness!!

Wrong.

I ask the boy, who I don't realize will become my husband some time in the future, to use the CB radio and call for help. And do you know what he said?

"It won't help. We are too far away for anyone to hear us."

I.Kid.You.Not.

So here we are sitting on the side of the road in the middle of nowhere at 10:00pm or later in pitch darkness. Did I mention dark? The kind of dark you have when there are no towns around shining their street lights collectively up into the sky to reflect down from the clouds. The kind of dark that won't even let you see your hand in front of your face. That kind of dark.

One or two cars came by over a period of time, but they didn't stop. I am not sure they even slowed down. I thought we would certainly be sitting there still when morning came. Eventually, a car came zipping by us, slowed, turned around and came back. Finally, an Angel! We were still a good 10 miles from the gate to the park where the cabin is and our good Samaritan was very close to being out of gas. It probably doesn't take much to figure out that in that remote place there are no all night gas stations. We gave the driver some money for gas praying that alone would coax his car along. He told us why no one would stop to help us. It seems it was just a week or so earlier that one of the country people living in that area had picked up a hitchhiker and got mugged. The odds of being helped were against us, save for this kind stranger. I am grateful to him to this day!

So ten miles later we were dropped at the gate to the park. From that gate it's about a mile to the cabin. A long, middle of the night, cold, can't-see-your-hand-in-front-of-your-face, walk. When we arrive at the cabin his parents seem a little surprised to see us. Hm, that's odd, I thought they were expecting us! Even odder, there are other people there I don't recognize: my boyfriend's sister, her husband and baby, and my boyfriend's brother. What a lot of people!! And what are all those things that look like **birthday presents**??!!??

Oh.my.heck!!

Future hubby has planned a surprise party for me. And the party guests have been waiting for much much longer than they had anticipated!

And they were still waiting for him to call on the CB and let them know we were about to arrive. Yes, that CB! If it wasn't for that one little detail in their plan, we would have been in my truck and arrived on time!

We had a great weekend. When his entire family showed up to showered me with birthday presents before they'd even met me.... well I guess I should have known how serious he was feeling about me.

"Popular" Sucks (or Pet Peeve #?)

I was never a popular kid. I suppose, like most kids, I wanted to be. It seemed like a good idea to have half the school population clamoring for your attention, wanting your opinion and seeking you out every day of the week for fun & exciting events and outings. Best of all, it would be a sure fire defense against boredom, being kept busy by all your fans and devotees.

I had my group of friends but I dare say I wasn't even one of the more popular within my own group. Despite all the lovely benefits of being popular, one of the most important aspects is something I am not good at - chit chat. Knowing this is a big weakness of mine, I avoid it almost at all costs. I don't start conversations with strangers, I don't initiate phone calls and I hold back, sometimes way back at social events. Those things put me far out of my comfort zone. Even family gatherings, which I don't do much anymore since leaving the west coast, I invariably found myself on the perimeters looking in. Discomfort sometimes feels like my natural state of being.

That may seem very odd if you know me, because I love teaching. But let me tell you, teaching is simply a role I play. Perhaps I just don't know the role of playing myself.

There is one place that I am popular. Within my own little family of four. And there are times I would definitely like to step out of this role. Let's start with the hubby. He works 60-70 hour weeks. When he's home he wants my attention. Even though he may be spending most of his time at home with his laptop working, he still wants me in the room. And if I am on my laptop playing a game or otherwise entertaining myself it displeases him. I do not do well just sitting in front of a TV... I need something else going on, cross stitch, paper crafts, computer, DS... anything. And all those things annoy him. I guess he can "compete" with the TV but anything else is too much. If he wants to "get away" that does not include our offspring. I do understand that we need husband/wife get away time, but I also enjoy our family of four time, too. I also understand that Daughter 1's retail management job and Daughter 2's college career/part time retail job make it very difficult to find time for a family getaway, but I do hate excluding them.

So what about the daughters? Both having retail jobs makes time together difficult to arrange, and adding college classes makes it darn near impossible. Add to that one being over the age of 21 and the other not, adds another dimension. So I spend time with either of them on an "as available" basis. Recently it was running errands with one. With the other we planned a half day trip to a previously unexplored location. You would think dividing up my time like that would work, right?

Wrong.

Each outing with one person seems to bring out the worst in another. I hate this with a passion. Something I tried to overcome way back in the dark ages was the idea that two other people getting together was a bad reflection on me. It's not. So why why why, do I have to hear things like, "you always wait until I am busy to do something" from the person that has to work? Do I have sit and do nothing until every member of my family happens to have a day free at the same time? Because Daughter 1 has to work am I not allowed to spend time with Daughter 2?

What ever happened to phrases like, "that sounds fun, have a blast!" instead of "poor little me, I can't go." I absolutely abhor being put in the position of leaving someone out, and yet every member of my family makes me feel that way, makes me feel like I am responsible for their happiness or unhappiness.

Adulthood means having responsibilities and having responsibilities sometimes sucks. It may mean one can't do or be everywhere they'd like. But all I am asking is to please please please suck it up and be happy for what you get. Being popular apparently comes with a huge serving of guilt. If that's the cost, then I don't want any, thank you very much.

My Shortest Blog Ever

I just wish I'd stop feeling like this.

He Likes/She Likes

Why is it the woman (or maybe just me, Betsy, alone - ?) is always the one to acquiesce?

You know what I mean. It's the "little" things. My hubby likes his pants folded one way, I fold mine another. Years ago, after he mentioned it once or twice, I began folding his pants his way and continued to fold mine my way. Easy enough, right?

However, in "normal" male oblivion, when folding my pants he folds them his way. It annoys me, but I overlook the inconsistency and feel happy he has folded my pants!

When I do things around the house I do them with him in mind. It this the way he would like it? When he does things around the house he does them without consideration - they are the way he would like them.

When I shop I buy the things and brands that he likes.

And so it goes.

One day he decided the house did not need to be so cool.... er- less warm. So the thermostat was turned up and he trots off to his nicely air conditioned office each day and I swelter at home. Once again, I have acquiesced to his desires.

Recently he installed a ceiling fan/light in our bedroom. It was much needed not only for the fan, but we had no overhead light and our room was very dark. I love our new fan/light! Can I also tell you how much I love a gentle breeze washing over me on hot evenings? It's something my husband knows, too.

The fan was installed while I was out of town and upon returning home I was given the tour of its features. Light switch on the wall turns on the upper lights. Not very bright but oh so much better than our former "no lights." With the remote we can control the fan and the lower light from anywhere in the room. Fan: three speeds! Light: dimmer capability!! I am feeling the love.

Then the really big news... Hubby tells me that he set the fan switch to reverse. This means the fan pulls the air up from the floor rather than pushes it down from the ceiling. This matters, why? Because there is no breeze when the air is being sucked up!! Not the same kind of breeze created when it's being pushed down. I seriously doubt he even thought about what I would prefer since it was his opportunity to do what he prefers. Guess I'm still going to need to put a fan on my side of the bed...

This fan also came with a ghost. Or unleashed one. I thought at first it came with the fan since this is a house we built and I thought hadn't seen death. Then I remembered Harriett did indeed die here. And perhaps she's returned to play with (tease) me.

Mark gets up early for work and I sleep peacefully on. One day he asked why I always turn the fan off when he's in the shower. Trust me - if I'm sleeping I am not about to wake up to turn off a fan that I can barely even feel blowing on me. If that fan is off I can assure you it was not me who did it! One evening I was in bed reading and the dimmer light came on. Really? I had no need for it at that particular time. I put down my book, turned off both lights and closed my eyes to sleep. a few minutes later it was on again.

Last night we outright battled it out. I headed to bed around midnight and found that I still needed to put my freshly washed sheets on the bed. I turned the dimmer light full on so I could easily make my way around and .... snap! I was in the dark! I turned it back on and it snapped back off. I turned on the wall switch so I wouldn't be completely in the dark and began a game of lights on/lights off. So I thought I'd change it up a bit and turn the fan off. Fan came back on the lights went off. Grrr... I LIKE a good light when I am making my bed!! My "ghost" finally relented and allowed me some light time and I got the bed put together.

Krissy came into the room shortly after that and I thought I'd entertain her with some ghostly hi-jinx, but apparently the spirit of playfulness had passed. I couldn't tempt that light or fan on or off. Krissy now thinks I am crazy.

Hubby knows better. When he came to bed 20 or so minutes later the light popped on for him. We laughed and he turned it off. I soon fell asleep with air being ever so (too) gently sucked up around me.

The Act of Writing

I've been wanting to visit my Badonkadonk Cafe with some chatter for quite some time now. However, the things that are on my mind are not of the sharing sort. That in itself has put me in a conundrum.

I want to write.

I want to write about what's on my mind.

But I don't want to share these particular thoughts and emotions.

I mentally went through the places I could write. On my computer off the internet. One of my blogs. Facebook notes. MySpace blog. Start a new unpublished anonymous blog?

I really don't like writing on my laptop and saving there. It's a bit silly, but I have this feeling that something would happen to me and my family would read it and I'd be embarrassed, even in death.

Did I say it was silly?

My blogs are all public and that's out of the question when I just want to write to sort my feelings, blow off steam, rank on some innocent person or whatever it is I write about in private. I am well aware that I feel things that are not always logical, right, or fair. My best instincts tell me not to put those thoughts "out there" for just anyone to see or comment on. Although there are those that are allowed to see me without my "make-up," it would be best not to venture out sans "make-up" for the entire world. And I have to believe that even those who are allowed the occasional glimpse of the naked me would prefer I keep my "make-up" in place. Life is so much simpler that way.

A new, private & anonymous blog? Sounds really tempting!!

MySpace blogging. I do miss that one. The ability to write a blog and choose who reads it or not. All in one place. Easy peasy blogging.

I suppose there is the ability to do that here. I see a "save now" button below my text window. Would saving this essay without publishing it accomplish the desired privacy? It appears worth testing.

brb....

Nope, not the solution. A saved Badonkadonk blog is not a formatted blog. To revisit it is to view it in the text box. There may still be a way, but I'll have to explore further.

The Act of Writing

Why do I find it therapeutic? So much so that I often find myself looking for a topic. The frustrating part is that I reject topics that I don't think hold any appeal for the occasional reader who might pop in. Why does it even matter? I am certainly not in the realm of famous bloggers with thousands of readers, shaping public opinions on anything/everything from food, media, politics, travel or whatever. I just have my little everyday life to share. Is it even entertaining?

Writing. Keys of the laptop making soft little clicks in rhythmic spurts below my finger tips. It feels good. Like playing an instrument. The melody is there on the screen for me to see as I play my notes. Certain strains take longer... I play them over after backspacing to erase a melody that didn't ring true in my ears. Yes. It's not just the words that I share, it's the physical act of putting them on the screen, editing as I go, rearranging the thoughts to flow as a tune that pleases me.

This particular piece is a bit disjointed. There is no doubting that. But it's been my therapy, it's the tune I wish to write today. This is the tune I will share publicly while I continue to seek the venue for my more personal music.

Bag Lady

The date is September 16, 1997. I've been married for 12-1/2 years. My brother is a long haul truck driver.

A long haul truck driver? What could that possibly have to do with anything?

Just imagine what it would be like to drive a truck from Washington to California and then back to Washington... week after week after week after week. I think it'd be lonely. I'd definitely want some good radio or books on tape. And in between I guess my mind would just wander around where-ever it wanted to go. I'm thinking this is what happened to my brother. On September 16, 1997, 12-1/2 years after I got married (he walked me down the aisle) he sat in a truck stop (I imagine he was in a truck stop) in Santa Rosa, California and wrote me this post card:

You can see he emphasized my initials on the address.

But was that enough? Not for my brother. The date is now September 29, 1997 and he writes from Corning, California:

Funny guy, right? Didn't even spell my last name correctly.

'Bout Time!

I decided it was about time for me to stop procrastinating. Perhaps I've been spurred on by Mark's insistence that we finally dive down to the bottom of the boxes that have been sitting in my basement for so long. We found the cardboard bottoms, bought some shelves and things are finding new homes. And yet, I still procrastinate.

It's a very deep hole and the only light you can see is if you lean backwards and look exactly straight up, but that's very hard on the neck. So I sit and stare at walls and do nothing. It's time to start climbing out.

Next month will be the one year anniversary of Harriett's death. I still can't believe she is gone. That could be part of it, maybe I am waiting for her to return. I decided to start going through her things today. Yes, her room is pretty much just as she left it. She actually had two rooms, here. One upstairs when we moved in and one on the main floor when she became too weak to do the stairs. She lost her balance on more than one occasion and it was shocking to find her on the floor in her bedroom or the bathroom. It must've been so hard to admit to herself she'd lost so much strength and health.

I started in her closet in the upstairs bedroom. I can't describe all the senses and emotions that were involved. Harriett was a clothes horse. She didn't spend all her money shopping for clothes but in her opinion, nothing was ever out of style, and she could pull it off. There were such cute dresses and I can remember her in most of them. She could look damn nice. Her body shape was so different than mine, what looked fantastic on her would look awful on me. There were dresses all the way from 3X to just "large." She got much smaller than "large," too, but by then she was living downstairs and there was no need to bring her larger wardrobe down.

When we left Utah and were downsizing some of my mother's things, Harriett took 2 of her purses that I was going to toss out. I'm sort of glad she did. They were very old purses that I am sure Mom had when I was just a child and it brought a smile to see them again. It brought a giggle to open them and find Harriett had never even removed Mom's stuff from them.

I haven't finished with the clothes yet. I just got most of them out of the closet - there are still two dressers to delve into as well as whatever is in the main floor bedroom. It became too hard. Am I wimp? Maybe I should turn on some music and drown out the voices and thoughts in my head. It just feels too personal to be handling and touching all her clothes.

I think a small part of me is looking for some sort of message from her, too. I'd love to know that she has found peace in her afterlife.

Putting the Sweet Life [back] on Hold

Although I am not Catholic I gave up sweets for Lent. Or at least my concept of what Lent is. I heard more rules about Lent and when things counted and when they didn't and when it ended than I can remember. So I just stuck with what I thought Lent was. No partaking in whatever I gave up from Ash Wednesday through Easter morning. I gave up sweets and it was good!

So Easter morning came and I was delighted to find a coffee cup full of Cadbury Mini Eggs. Have I ever mentioned how-much-I-LOVE Cadbury Mini Eggs? Well, I do. And I made sure I mentioned it to the Easter Bunny because I was tortured by the sight of those eggs on store shelves for a month or more. I wanted to break my sweet fast with those pretty little tasty little eggs.

And I did.

Over and over again. I am popping those yummy chocklity eggs in my mouth as I type. MmmMmmMMMM!!

And I had the chocolate cherry cheesecake I froze after passing it by on Mark's birthday. And the fruity cheesy brownies Krissy made for her foodies club. And the scone I froze from Starbucks when I realized it was more sweet than I had anticipated. Oh yes, I have been working hard to make up for all those days I went without sweets.

I felt so good on those days. I felt strong. I felt like I was treating myself well.

How do I feel now? I feel like an alcoholic. I feel out of control. I feel like I can't just have a little, I need to eat it all. I need to. It makes no sense, but there it is. I didn't just step down of the wagon, I fell off it hard. And you know what? None of it was as good as I anticipated.

Tomorrow is Wednesday and for me it's Ash Wednesday again. Tomorrow I am giving up sweets. I'll go another six weeks and designate another "Easter" Sunday that will mark the end of my sweet free Lent.

It feels so good to say that, to plan it. It feels like a relief. I have to admit I felt some nervousness coming to Easter Sunday and realizing it meant permission to eat sweets again. I know I am supposed to be in control of my life, which includes what I eat, but I felt like as Easter approached I was giving up that control. Almost like it was out of my hands. Tomorrow, I take it back again. It got so easy to say NO to sweets. I can't wait to start again!

And this time I am not freezing anything. No means no.

How Sweet is This?

My husband, Mark, is not a fan of birthday cake. This simple fact is nearly incomprehensible to me as I am a great lover of cake with lots of frosting. The more frosting the better! Give me the corner piece, the one with all the frosting roses and extra trim frosting.... yummy!! My plate will never be the one with the frosting scraped of a piece of cake that has only four or five bites taken out of it. Isn't that a bit sacrilegious to the baker? Really?

But he does have a favorite birthday dessert. He was born in February, close to Washington's birthday which of course brings up the Cherry Tree story. In the old days, before Washington's birthday became "Presidents' Day" we all seemed to have cherry something or other (pie, cake, cobbler, etc) in February in honor of our first president. Mark's choice is Cherry pie. It's a very special treat to him since, when he was growing up, a couple of people in his family couldn't eat cherries so they were seldom on the menu in any form. His desire for Cherry Pie as his birthday dessert continues. This year I made a chocolate cherry cheesecake instead.

So what is a good mom for? To give you what your heart desires! Mark's birthday box from his mother included the pie plate, the crust (in a box) and the cherries (in a can). Since we've moved so far away it was the only way she could send him his birthday Cherry Pie. Don'tcha love it??? I do!!!


As for me, my birthday treat will be a little different this year. Recall I have given up sweets for lent. Actually for health since I am not Catholic, but I thought I'd follow the 40 day plan.

I didn't think ahead about my birthday falling within those 40 days, but what the heck. So I don't have cake for my birthday, not really such a big deal right now. But Mark kept saying he'd do something savory for me. That didn't really appeal to me either. Then I remembered having Port & Stilton... OMG, I just about drool just thinking of it!!

Dinner was too big last night to desire this treat after... so tonight is the night! I just can't wait!! There's also some fruit & bread involved. Heck, this might be dinner!! Oh Yum!!

Pop, pop-pop, POP!

Spring is nosing it's way gently out of the ground with the soft popping noises of spring bulbs, cautiously looking for warmth & sun and hoping no more snowflakes will fall upon their beds. I am anxiously awaiting the fragrance of these Hyacinths!

Tiny bits of greens and reds are appearing in my garden beds, Hyacinths, Tulips and Daffodils are sending up shoots, preparing the way for their colorful blooms to follow.

They appear a little stronger each day, anticipating their safety in the form of my deer and rabbit spray... Salad nibblers are not invited. To show up and nibble on these future blooms would just be rude!

All six of my Day Lillys are starting to poke through. The drive will be lined with beautiful yellow and reddish lillys when they mature!

Our Rhodie seems to have survived the snows and will bring us fond memories of the Pacific Northwest as it grows and blooms.

This gift from a former neighbor is a memorial to Harriett. We look forward to this Azalea blooming!!

Also popping into view is the progress of the house going in next door between us and the lake - what a WHOPPER!! I think it's actually going to be less intrusive than I expected. This view is looking around the corner from our sun room. Much less will be visible when we use the sun room. But I will miss the activity of the fowl on the lake!

"Rikki Don't Lose That Number"

Another dream. More bizarreness. More telephoning.

I won't even try to describe this wacko dream other than to say that it involved not only me, but one of my brothers needing to be "rescued." This time I was able to reach her by phone although the connection was broken due to issues on my part.

I find this very comforting. I am realizing that she is still there for me to talk to. And maybe, just maybe, if I listen very carefully, I'll hear her answer.

Dreams

Mom died on Monday.

I really thought I would feel relief, but no. What I feel is devastation. And guilt. But I'll deal with that at a later date.

I dreamed last night of having to travel a long distance by foot. I was unable to move forward without considerable effort, so I walked backwards. I had many items to carry so for every distance I covered I had to do twice to carry the entire load. I finally got to a place in which I stopped. I needed help and I wanted to call Mom. Every time I tried I would either find that I couldn't locate her number in my phone or my phone would go blank so I couldn't look for the number.

As dreams usually do, it morphed into my being helped by a friend a haven't seen in a long time. I was now wearing the skates I wear in many of my dreams but this time, I couldn't slow them down. I would get going and no matter how hard I braked, I could not stop or even slow.

It wasn't until later in the morning that the dream and it's meaning really came back to me. Even though Mom hasn't been mentally, physically or financial able to help me for many many years, in my dream I wanted her to rescue me. I was trying to call her and couldn't. In reality, she is no longer there to help, even for me to go and sit with and wish for her to understand my presence. I want my rescuer back.

About those skates. A recurring theme in different settings, I finally came to realize that I have this dream when I feel life is out of control. I am speeding downhill on those skates and edging hard sideways left and then right over and over again to slow and gain control. This time, I couldn't gain control. I was bound to crash.

Mom, I miss you so much. I know you are so much happier and finally free of the body that trapped you in purgatory. I love you, but I can't stop needing you.

Stupid Things I Did as a "Kid"

Many many years ago, just a few weeks after the Dark Ages, I got busted for syphoning gas. Okay, not exactly busted and it wasn't me per se, but I was with people who did get caught.

A simple comment today caused this event to jump out of the deep dark recesses and into the forefront of my mind where it sought to be shared with you.

In my teens I was part of the cruiser crowd. Very American Graffiti-esque. Hang out downtown at the local drive-in, wait for other cruisers to show up and hop into someone else's car and drive around some more. Usually there were a few brews involved.

One night a girlfriend and I hopped in with a couple of guys we knew. We drove around a while until the driver noticed the car was very low on gas. This was a time of gas shortages, gas rationing and long long lines at the pumps. In some cases we could only buy gas on odd or even days, depending on - - - something. Well it was decided this night we would "borrow" some gas from another vehicle.

I think we first pulled up to a car on a dark road where the guys started the process of "borrowing" gas, but we were scared off by traffic. It was many years ago and that part of the story may or may not have actually happened, the brain sometimes fails me.

What did happen was we ended up in a commercial warehouse section of town in which the gates were not locked to the lot. We cozied up to a large truck, making sure it was gas powered and not diesel powered and the guys threaded the hose from the truck to the car and let the gas run. The boys got back in the car to wait. Unfortunately, when syphoning gas from one vehicle to another there is not a click off switch and the gas will overflow the tank if not stopped when full. We suddenly realized this and only a small amount of gas was on the ground when they stopped the syphon.

One of the boys thought it might be a good idea to stay parked there for a little while, but it wasn't. Within minutes we noticed the headlights of a patrol car slowly moving toward us. Uh oh - time for an alibi! So of course the only reasonable explanation for our location was that we stopped there to make out. What to do to make it believable? BREATHE! Our windows needed to be fogged up as if we'd been kissing hot & heavy for a while and they were not. Picture this, two guys and two girls huffing on the windows to fog them up because we weren't doing what we wanted it to look like we were doing. Breathe guys, faster - pant, Pant, PANT!!!

Soon the patrol car was parked beside us and a police officer was was walking around the car, sniffing the scent of gasoline from the air and shining his flashlight on the gas soaked pavement between us and the truck. Our feeble excuse was hardly to be believed and I don't recall why that officer sent us on our way. The truth was there to be seen despite our objections.

Although the gas wasn't for my car and I didn't do the actual dirty deed, I can say I have never considered "borrowing" gas again, which was around 75-80 cents a gallon at that time, can you imagine?

The Ad

Interesting to listen to all the controversy surrounding the Tim Tebow featured ad scheduled to air during the Super Bowl. The ad is sponsored either by Focus on the Family or it's founder, James Dobson. It's about Tim's mother refusing a recommended abortion in the Philippines when she was ill and pregnant with Tim.

We are a country of free speech and I don't deny the right to air this message. I do wonder if the venue is appropriate, or even if the message is fully accurate. The Huffinton Post points out that abortion under any circumstances has been illegal in the Philippines since 1930. Hard to believe that the doctors would risk recommending it.

Let's go with the assumption that the ad is factual (cough) and that Ms. Tebow had other legal options than to continue her pregnancy. Isn't it wonderful that she could choose to do so? I think so.

I'd like to look at this ad from a little bit different angle. I'm not really so impressed by the fact that due to Ms. Tebow's decision the world has one more amazing football quarterback, Heisman Trophy winning Christian. I'd be more impressed if Tim Tebow was actively involved in and on the verge of curing AIDS or diabetes or fibromyalgia or any number of other things. Instead he is getting very rich on his athletic abilities. Nice.

How about we do the same ad featuring "Ms. X," who makes the same choice, and her 22 year old child who has lived his/her entire short life burdened with numerous physical and mental disabilities, and their ongoing daily crisis of financial distress and insurance problems? I am sure she loves her child as much if not more than Ms. Tebow loves her son. There are probably innumerable more Ms. Xs out there than there are Ms. Tebows. They are truly the ones that should be honored. But I guess their messages wouldn't be as effective for the Pro-Lifers.

I don't begrudge anyone for making a choice to carry a pregnancy to full term when there might be strong reasons not to. Indeed, that woman had some difficult issues to consider.

But I also do not begrudge a woman for making the choice to have an abortion. I am not the one walking in her shoes. I don't know what obstacles she personally faces.

Keep *choice* alive. Many pro-choice people don't believe in abortion and wouldn't chose to have one, but we do believe in personal choice. If you don't believe in abortion, don't have one.

25 Years of Wedded Bliss

Tuesday was my 25th Wedding Anniversary. Woot Woot!! I can't say it's always been easy. But then again, neither would he. But I can't think of any other journey I would rather have taken over those 25 years. Where I am is just where I am supposed to be.






Since I am a crafter I made him a card. The outside of the card is the easy part. I hate trying to think of what to write inside of cards. I worry that it will be nothing more than just stupid. I want to write something that has some meaning, ya know?

This is what I came up with. I was pretty happy with it. Then, I realized I left out one very important word! "GREEN" That handful of M&M's was green!! That was really critical to the story of our love, in my eyes!!

The most important result of our marriage is our family, the two other people who make my heart whole, my daughters. They surprised us with this:


They make my heart want to burst!!

What is the biggest thing about being married 25 years? It's not that we've been married that long, but it's the fact that we are old enough to have been married that long!! How the heck did that happen??

Reviewing the Golden Globe Awards

If you are a fan of award shows and happened to catch the Golden Globes last night then I have some very fine banter to offer up. It was an amazing show with amazingly beautiful celebs showing off their amazing bodies and amazing clothes. It was all so very very amazing. And here is what I have to say about these fabulous awards...

George Clooney was simply the most beautiful person there, male or female. Enough said.

Saggy Breasts *Caution-Not for the Queasy*

I don't understand. When I was young I was advised and encouraged to always wear a bra. The terrors of saggy, flabby, ugly breasts in my old age was flaunted before me as the horrific consequences of not doing so. Only a bra would fight and conquer the damages of gravity if I would only wear it faithfully. I was a cup size A+.

I actually had a hard time finding bras to fit me because I was so small. They finally came out with the Barely B which was close.

I grew up in the 60's and 70's. We were the generation that burned our bras. We believed in total freedom and that include our ta-tas. Let them be free!! We would no longer bind them and crush them to our chests. We were "WOMAN" hear us roar!

But not me, I was the good girl. I followed the advice of my elders and feared, as they warned me, the looming dangers of future ugly, baggy, saggy breasts. I bound up those ta-tas absolutely sure I would be perky and bright even in my old age.

I should have looked around me as I was listening to that sage advice of my elders. I should have observed what was right in front of me even then... saggy, droopy breasts. They themselves were sporting the only possible results of age and gravity... breast droppage. I should have paid attention.

I want to know why, all these years later, do I suffer from that same affliction when I was so cautious and followed strict instructions to avoid it? My little A's have grown as I bore children and gained weight. But I continued to bind them and protect them from their "downfall." I now know that their future is/was unavoidable. I suppose it's a bit like all the things mothers don't tell others about being a parent. You just have to live it and experience it yourself. In the meantime, there are myths and rumors we tell the young and uninitiated.

Life is a fairy tale. Right from the Brothers Grimm!

Leno or Conan?

Been watching all the controversy about the late night show now that Leno has bombed in prime time. Who thought that one up anyway? In my opinion there was no question from the git-go that Leno's show would not be a five day a week hit in prime time. He might be able to pull it off once a week, but only the soap operas, daytime TV and news-type shows get away with every day broadcasting. It was a disaster waiting to happen.

So why did they do it? Money. Simple as that. It was cheaper to pay Leno his gazillion dollar salary than to create, write, cast, film and produce shows like CSI, Castle, Ghost Whisperer, Desperate Housewives, Grey's Anatomy... whatever the choice. Okay, I can see that it would be more cost effective, but without an audience that becomes a moot point.

So now is it right to oust Conan from his new spot just because all the powers that be screwed up? I think it really sucks. I may be partial because I have always liked Conan better than Jay. I understand that Conan isn't getting the ratings that Jay was, but lets think about this. A strong line up is always important for TV. The best shows earlier in the evening tend to create better ratings for the following shows. Once the TV is on, it often just stays on the same channel. So, with Jay's show bombing that means folks are changing the channel. At the end of the evening that is bad news for O'Brien because they aren't necessarily changing it back. Not all his fault. Blame it on Jay.

As for ousting him... isn't that like giving someone (Jay) a promotion, finding out they can't handle the new job, and then putting them back in their old job even though it's been filled (Conan)? Usually, the best that happens is that they are re-assigned to a like & kind of position until something opens up for them.

So who do you want to see in that spot? Is it right to give O'Brien the boot? Do you even stay up that late? Do you even care?

In case you are wondering... I am bored and just wanted to blog. =) That's my story and I'm stickin' to it!

Calling for Angels

What a week it has been. In less than seven days I have received news of three deaths. I want to take a moment to hold each of these families up to God as they mourn the lost presence of their loved ones.

Rose in Utah. She is in Alaska with her siblings after hearing of her mother's death. It was unexpected and quick. Rose had talked to her mother recently and she appeared to be feeling very well. Rose, you and your family are in my heart & prayers. Have a safe journey through this time.

Henrietta, my cul de sac neighbor lost her husband Tuesday evening. They had a long life together and she has been caring for him for a couple of years since his stroke. He was completely disabled and needed 24 hour care. What a difficult time it's been for Henrietta but the love she feels for Wally is so evident. Henrietta, you and your family are in my heart & prayers.

Markey, originally a MySpace friend before we both migrated to Facebook, lost his mother this week. I don't know any details, but Markey is the most caring and giving person I have ever encountered and I know he is suffering from this loss. Markey, you and your family are in my heart and prayers.

For some reason, God needed these three souls in heaven. I know they are all happy and healthy in their new stages of "life." I mourn with their loved ones the loss of their presence in this world. May you all find peace in God's love.

Snorkeling in the Dark

I have sleep apnea. If you don't know, that is a condition in which you stop breathing while you are asleep. It's most prevalent in overweight people but I have friends who are very fit and also suffer from it. Why so many heavy people? Simply put, the fat we carry is throughout our bodies, including the air passages. When we relax, as when we are asleep, that fat blocks the airways and causes us to stop breathing. We don't die because we wake up, not all the way, but just enough to start breathing again. A common indicator of sleep apnea is snoring.

Why is this a problem? Because it's very difficult to get to deep REM sleep when you are waking up, even just a little bit, every night, all night long. Here are the problems associated with sleep deprivation:

"Untreated, sleep apnea can cause high blood pressure and other cardiovascular disease, memory problems, weight gain, impotency, and headaches. Moreover, untreated sleep apnea may be responsible for job impairment and motor vehicle crashes."

Well, that pretty much describes me! Before I did a sleep study to diagnose my sleep apnea I felt tired all the time. No matter how much sleep I thought I was getting at night, I would still fall asleep at my desk at work. That's not good!! It was easy to overlook many of the other symptoms as just being part of who I am.

There is more than one way to treat sleep apnea but probably the most successful one is with a cpap (pronounced SEE-Pap) machine. This machine forces air into your nose/throat/lungs at a preset force which creates enough pressure to keep the passage way open, thus allowing full REM sleep to occur. The down side of this is the big old ugly equipment. It puts a real damper on looking sexy in bed!

It's also important to find comfortable equipment. I hate mine and so don't use it as often as I should, which would be every night. But when I do.... lets just say life is much better!! It's really time for me to retake the sleep evaluation and look at new, improved equipment.

When I go to bed I plug in my little cpap machine and take the mask and place it over my nose. Large black straps encircle my head assuring it stays in place. Now from the center of my face I have a big clear tube, like an elephant trunk, pumping air into me. Doesn't that sound like fun? The most annoying issue is getting it to seal properly on my face so I don't have air leaking out from it creating a loud hissssssssss. The more I use it the quicker and easier I find the right fit.

Sometimes it feels like falling asleep takes forever. I become very aware of every breath I take while it's on. But once I fall asleep it's good. It's all so good.

I'm only surprised I don't have dreams of snorkeling. With that gizmo on my face I should really be enjoying some awesome underwater adventures.

Cardinals

Vibrant red splotches of color darting and diving among the naked branches of my hickory tree. Intermixed with less colorful, equally beautiful soft brown females. The entire dance is hypnotic and delightful!

When Things are Tough

I procrastinate.

I procrastinate just to be lazy most of the time, but when I am up against something I just don't want to deal with I find something, anything else to do. I am blogging right now for that very reason.

Alyssa and I are taking down Christmas today. That's not so hard, but while Alyssa is packing up decorations I am trying to make room in the guest room aka Harriett's room, for some items I want stored in the closet. However, the closet is still full of Harriett's clothes.

Did I say I am a procrastinator?

So today I am packing up Harriett's clothes. Not so hard in and of itself. Fold it up and place in a bag. And I was doing really well at that until I got to the things she wore most in the last months, such as the plush red robe I gave her last Christmas. It's very warm and she was always very cold and she'd wrap it tight around her skinny little body to walk through the house to her chair. I can see her so clearly in that robe. That's what is hard. Not everything can or will evoke a memory like that, but when they hit it's like being smacked up-aside the head. .

I think of Harriett as our Pink Angel now. I don't know if she'd like that so much, but I assigned her pink for the breast cancer cause. If not today then this week end she will be doing some angel works. My plans are to take her clothes to a homeless shelter. It is so easy to drop them off at Goodwill or any 2nd hand shop, but I want these clothes to go straight to the people that need them the most. She has a lot of warm coats and hoodies and I know there are folks in desperate need of these right now. And they are in all sizes since she lost so much weight during her illness. She will be blessing a lot of people this week end.

Harriett, you know I talk to you and I know you hear me because I hear you whisper back. I love you girl friend. Be in peace.

HANDBOOK 2010

This list of "directives" for 2010 was sent to me by my friend Margo. There is a lot of wisdom in these 40 little tidbits of advice. Enjoy.

Health:

1. Drink plenty of water.
2. Eat breakfast like a king, lunch like a prince and dinner like a beggar.
3. Eat more foods that grow on trees and plants and eat less food that is manufactured in plants.
4. Live with the 3 E's -- Energy, Enthusiasm and Empathy
5. Make time to pray.
6. Play more games
7. Read more books than you did in 2009 .
8. Sit in silence for at least 10 minutes each day
9. Sleep for 7 hours.
10. Take a 10-30 minutes walk daily. And while you walk, smile.
    
    Personality:
11. Don't compare your life to others. You have no idea what their journey is all about.
12. Don't have negative thoughts or things you cannot control. Instead invest your energy in the positive present moment.
13. Don't over do. Keep your limits.
14. Don't take yourself so seriously. No one else does.
15. Don't waste your precious energy on gossip.
16. Dream more while you are awake
17. Envy is a waste of time. You already have all you need.
18. Forget issues of the past. Don't remind your partner with His/her mistakes of the past. That will ruin your present happiness.
19. Life is too short to waste time hating anyone. Don't hate others.
20. Make peace with your past so it won't spoil the present.
21. No one is in charge of your happiness except you.
22. Realize that life is a school and you are here to learn. Problems are simply part of the curriculum that appear and fade away like algebra class but the lessons you learn will last a lifetime.
23. Smile and laugh more.
24. You don't have to win every argument. Agree to disagree.
    
    Society:
25. Call your family often.
26. Each day give something good to others.
27. Forgive everyone for everything..
28. Spend time w/ people over the age of 70 & under the age of 6.
29. Try to make at least three people smile each day.
30. What other people think of you is none of your business.
31. Your job won't take care of you when you are sick. Your friends will. Stay in touch.
    
    Life:
32. Do the right thing!
33. Get rid of anything that isn't useful, beautiful or joyful.
34. GOD heals everything.
35. However good or bad a situation is, it will change.
36. No matter how you feel, get up, dress up and show up.
37. The best is yet to come.
38. When you awake alive in the morning, thank GOD for it.
39. Your Inner most is always happy. So, be happy.
    
    Last but not the least:
40. Please share this to everyone you care about, I just did.

Grandma's Balls*

Having and elderly not-entirely-there parent is a bit like having a pre-schooler, with the exception that the diapers are bigger and there is little hope they'll ever (re)learn the lessons of life.

While visiting Mom one day before Christmas I noticed she had an odd little bulge in her sweater by her waist. I asked what it was and without waiting proceeded to investigate. She was sincerely surprised when I pulled out a large white paper carnation with green St. Paddy day decorations attached. It was someones prized corsage, I am sure and Grandma Lifted It!!

O Good Lord, my mother is a Klepto!!

But wait. It gets better.

While investigating the bulge I had noticed a bit of red ribbon peaking over the top of her waist band. Was it something that became caught in her pants when the staff had assisted her in the bathroom? I better do some more sleuthing...

So I went back in, under the sweater to the top of the pants and located that piece of ribbon that had caught my attention. And then I began to pull.

It came out a little, but was a bit stuck. So I tugged.

It began to emerge, not just a little piece of ribbon as I had thought but a whole long strand!

Mom could feel the tugging of course, and asked, "What's that?"

I began to laugh as a long string of ribbon with jingled bells attached emerged from her pants. I held it up for her to see and she simply looked at me in wonder and said....

"Where did that come from?"

OMGosh, Mom, if you don't know what you have stashed in your pants, I don't think I can tell you...

*Okay, I admit it, I am an attention whore. The title should have been Grandma's Bells but I just liked the sound of balls so much better. So shoot me.

Thought for the Day - 4 Jan 2010

One thing absolutely essential to live my life, a sense of humor!

Avatar in 3D

Just a quick little note tonight.

I took the hubby to see Avatar in 3D this afternoon. What fun!!

He thoroughly enjoyed it. The effects were incredible and the landscape of this alien world was simply brilliant.

Needless to say, I got in a little jab with, "I have to say, if you enjoyed watching this, perhaps you can understand a little now why people love WoW so much."

Hehehe... never miss an opportunity. That's my mantra!

I Didn't Think it Would be so Hard

Silly me.

I've been avoiding this for the longest time, but I chalked it up to my usual procrastination. Then to the busyness of the holidays. But today I started. Just a little bit, but enough to make me realize how hard it really is going to be.

I started going through Harriett's belongings.

Let me set the scene a little. In the last months of her life Harriett moved into the "spare" bedroom on the main floor of our home. It was originally to be Mom's room so a lot of Mom's stuff was already in there. And it was the room that held the cookbook shelf, the candles & candle holders, vases, tablecloths, etc. You get the picture. Since her death the wheel chair and disability equipment has been put in there. Krissy's dresser when she got a new one. Holiday items we were uncertain of using this year. And under it all, Harriett's things from her final days.

The room itself simply needed to be organized and recovered from being a catch all. Then I got to Harriett's belongings and knew it would be a good idea to keep on. One of the first things I picked up was her wig.

Wigs sort of creep me out anyway. Like the trophy of a scalping. But along with the wig were a half dozen or more knit hats that Harriett preferred to wear. It's hard to handle those things and not think of her and miss her. It's hard to even write about it.

I didn't really expect it to be so hard.

Tidbits from an Aging Brain

If you are one of the "lucky" ones who used to follow my blogs on MySpace you may recall that I tend to blog in spurts. It appears that my long absence from blogging has acted as a dam that has suddenly burst and here I am with way too much drivel to share rushing down river.

Irony:
In October I was inspired to purchase a flat screen monitor for my husband's Christmas present - and ecstatic that I had done that shopping so far in advance. The beginning of December our PC bit the dust.

Another "If we can put a man on the moon" question:
...then why can't we make a pair of jeans for fat ladies that doesn't wear out in the thighs?

Hypnotic power of TV:
I can go through our dozens and dozens of DVDs and not find a thing I want to watch but if one of those same movies pops up on TV I will sit and watch it from beginning to end commercials and all.

I think that's enough stress for my old noodle on this first day of 2010.

2010 Has Arrived and Along With it....

Resolutions!

Of course.

Some people prefer to call them goals. Aspirations. The new year check list.

I'll stick with resolutions. A resolution means a commitment and I need commitment in my life. Structure.

1. Healthy Eating. I could go with the old "lose weight" resolution but I am more interested in being healthy than skinny. And eating healthy should promote weight loss whereas, losing weight doesn't necessarily equate to good health if I were to focus on weight loss only.

2. Exercise More. Or exercise at all, really. I think I'll start with walking and work up from there.
3. Learn Something New. I would really like to go back to school, but if I can't do that I'll at least commit to taking some classes.

4. Pay It Forward. Although I am overweight and understamina'd I have so very much to be grateful for. With so many blessings in my life it is only right to pay it forward with charitable acts and kindnesses.

5. Celebrate Life. Remember those I love and care for by showing it more.

I think five is enough. Please share your resolutions, goals, aspirations or whatever you choose to call the priorities you set for the new year.