I've been wanting to visit my Badonkadonk Cafe with some chatter for quite some time now. However, the things that are on my mind are not of the sharing sort. That in itself has put me in a conundrum.
I want to write.
I want to write about what's on my mind.
But I don't want to share these particular thoughts and emotions.
I mentally went through the places I could write. On my computer off the internet. One of my blogs. Facebook notes. MySpace blog. Start a new unpublished anonymous blog?
I really don't like writing on my laptop and saving there. It's a bit silly, but I have this feeling that something would happen to me and my family would read it and I'd be embarrassed, even in death.
Did I say it was silly?
My blogs are all public and that's out of the question when I just want to write to sort my feelings, blow off steam, rank on some innocent person or whatever it is I write about in private. I am well aware that I feel things that are not always logical, right, or fair. My best instincts tell me not to put those thoughts "out there" for just anyone to see or comment on. Although there are those that are allowed to see me without my "make-up," it would be best not to venture out sans "make-up" for the entire world. And I have to believe that even those who are allowed the occasional glimpse of the naked me would prefer I keep my "make-up" in place. Life is so much simpler that way.
A new, private & anonymous blog? Sounds really tempting!!
MySpace blogging. I do miss that one. The ability to write a blog and choose who reads it or not. All in one place. Easy peasy blogging.
I suppose there is the ability to do that here. I see a "save now" button below my text window. Would saving this essay without publishing it accomplish the desired privacy? It appears worth testing.
Nope, not the solution. A saved Badonkadonk blog is not a formatted blog. To revisit it is to view it in the text box. There may still be a way, but I'll have to explore further.
The Act of Writing
Why do I find it therapeutic? So much so that I often find myself looking for a topic. The frustrating part is that I reject topics that I don't think hold any appeal for the occasional reader who might pop in. Why does it even matter? I am certainly not in the realm of famous bloggers with thousands of readers, shaping public opinions on anything/everything from food, media, politics, travel or whatever. I just have my little everyday life to share. Is it even entertaining?
Writing. Keys of the laptop making soft little clicks in rhythmic spurts below my finger tips. It feels good. Like playing an instrument. The melody is there on the screen for me to see as I play my notes. Certain strains take longer... I play them over after backspacing to erase a melody that didn't ring true in my ears. Yes. It's not just the words that I share, it's the physical act of putting them on the screen, editing as I go, rearranging the thoughts to flow as a tune that pleases me.
This particular piece is a bit disjointed. There is no doubting that. But it's been my therapy, it's the tune I wish to write today. This is the tune I will share publicly while I continue to seek the venue for my more personal music.