Saturday, January 5, 2008

Life’s a bitch and then you die

Current mood:depressed
I need to vent, I need to vent, I need to vent. ARGH!!
Why is taking care of my mom so dang hard?  I don't really even take care of her - Harriett does most of the real work.
I got home yesterday and learned that she couldn't put any weight on her right leg. I didn't take her to the ER last night because I knew that was beyond my endurance, but I did take her this morning. Or rather had an ambulance come take her. They xrayed her knee and determined that she had a sprain. It wouldn't be such a big deal if she wasn't so weak every other way. Because she can't stand on one leg she won't help and try to stand on the other one, either.
I called work and told them I couldn't come in for a week because it will take at least two of us to care for her. Then Mark and Harriett told me she should go back to Draper rehab until she can help with her care again. I have been a basket case all day.
We try to stand her up and she won't shift her weight over her feet. Imagine someone trying to sit down when you are trying to hold them up, get them turned around or pull up their pants. It's too much for me and harriett together even. I don't know what to do other than rehab.
The worse thing is I keep thinking to myself, when will she die? How does she keep going? Or worse, wishing she would die so my life would be easier. I hate these thoughts. How do I make them go away? 

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