Thursday, February 11, 2010

"Rikki Don't Lose That Number"

Another dream. More bizarreness. More telephoning.

I won't even try to describe this wacko dream other than to say that it involved not only me, but one of my brothers needing to be "rescued." This time I was able to reach her by phone although the connection was broken due to issues on my part.

I find this very comforting. I am realizing that she is still there for me to talk to. And maybe, just maybe, if I listen very carefully, I'll hear her answer.

Wednesday, February 10, 2010


Mom died on Monday.

I really thought I would feel relief, but no. What I feel is devastation. And guilt. But I'll deal with that at a later date.

I dreamed last night of having to travel a long distance by foot. I was unable to move forward without considerable effort, so I walked backwards. I had many items to carry so for every distance I covered I had to do twice to carry the entire load. I finally got to a place in which I stopped. I needed help and I wanted to call Mom. Every time I tried I would either find that I couldn't locate her number in my phone or my phone would go blank so I couldn't look for the number.

As dreams usually do, it morphed into my being helped by a friend a haven't seen in a long time. I was now wearing the skates I wear in many of my dreams but this time, I couldn't slow them down. I would get going and no matter how hard I braked, I could not stop or even slow.

It wasn't until later in the morning that the dream and it's meaning really came back to me. Even though Mom hasn't been mentally, physically or financial able to help me for many many years, in my dream I wanted her to rescue me. I was trying to call her and couldn't. In reality, she is no longer there to help, even for me to go and sit with and wish for her to understand my presence. I want my rescuer back.

About those skates. A recurring theme in different settings, I finally came to realize that I have this dream when I feel life is out of control. I am speeding downhill on those skates and edging hard sideways left and then right over and over again to slow and gain control. This time, I couldn't gain control. I was bound to crash.

Mom, I miss you so much. I know you are so much happier and finally free of the body that trapped you in purgatory. I love you, but I can't stop needing you.

Saturday, February 6, 2010

Stupid Things I Did as a "Kid"

Many many years ago, just a few weeks after the Dark Ages, I got busted for syphoning gas. Okay, not exactly busted and it wasn't me per se, but I was with people who did get caught.

A simple comment today caused this event to jump out of the deep dark recesses and into the forefront of my mind where it sought to be shared with you.

In my teens I was part of the cruiser crowd. Very American Graffiti-esque. Hang out downtown at the local drive-in, wait for other cruisers to show up and hop into someone else's car and drive around some more. Usually there were a few brews involved.

One night a girlfriend and I hopped in with a couple of guys we knew. We drove around a while until the driver noticed the car was very low on gas. This was a time of gas shortages, gas rationing and long long lines at the pumps. In some cases we could only buy gas on odd or even days, depending on - - - something. Well it was decided this night we would "borrow" some gas from another vehicle.

I think we first pulled up to a car on a dark road where the guys started the process of "borrowing" gas, but we were scared off by traffic. It was many years ago and that part of the story may or may not have actually happened, the brain sometimes fails me.

What did happen was we ended up in a commercial warehouse section of town in which the gates were not locked to the lot. We cozied up to a large truck, making sure it was gas powered and not diesel powered and the guys threaded the hose from the truck to the car and let the gas run. The boys got back in the car to wait. Unfortunately, when syphoning gas from one vehicle to another there is not a click off switch and the gas will overflow the tank if not stopped when full. We suddenly realized this and only a small amount of gas was on the ground when they stopped the syphon.

One of the boys thought it might be a good idea to stay parked there for a little while, but it wasn't. Within minutes we noticed the headlights of a patrol car slowly moving toward us. Uh oh - time for an alibi! So of course the only reasonable explanation for our location was that we stopped there to make out. What to do to make it believable? BREATHE! Our windows needed to be fogged up as if we'd been kissing hot & heavy for a while and they were not. Picture this, two guys and two girls huffing on the windows to fog them up because we weren't doing what we wanted it to look like we were doing. Breathe guys, faster - pant, Pant, PANT!!!

Soon the patrol car was parked beside us and a police officer was was walking around the car, sniffing the scent of gasoline from the air and shining his flashlight on the gas soaked pavement between us and the truck. Our feeble excuse was hardly to be believed and I don't recall why that officer sent us on our way. The truth was there to be seen despite our objections.

Although the gas wasn't for my car and I didn't do the actual dirty deed, I can say I have never considered "borrowing" gas again, which was around 75-80 cents a gallon at that time, can you imagine?

Thursday, February 4, 2010

The Ad

Interesting to listen to all the controversy surrounding the Tim Tebow featured ad scheduled to air during the Super Bowl. The ad is sponsored either by Focus on the Family or it's founder, James Dobson. It's about Tim's mother refusing a recommended abortion in the Philippines when she was ill and pregnant with Tim.

We are a country of free speech and I don't deny the right to air this message. I do wonder if the venue is appropriate, or even if the message is fully accurate. The Huffinton Post points out that abortion under any circumstances has been illegal in the Philippines since 1930. Hard to believe that the doctors would risk recommending it.

Let's go with the assumption that the ad is factual (cough) and that Ms. Tebow had other legal options than to continue her pregnancy. Isn't it wonderful that she could choose to do so? I think so.

I'd like to look at this ad from a little bit different angle. I'm not really so impressed by the fact that due to Ms. Tebow's decision the world has one more amazing football quarterback, Heisman Trophy winning Christian. I'd be more impressed if Tim Tebow was actively involved in and on the verge of curing AIDS or diabetes or fibromyalgia or any number of other things. Instead he is getting very rich on his athletic abilities. Nice.

How about we do the same ad featuring "Ms. X," who makes the same choice, and her 22 year old child who has lived his/her entire short life burdened with numerous physical and mental disabilities, and their ongoing daily crisis of financial distress and insurance problems? I am sure she loves her child as much if not more than Ms. Tebow loves her son. There are probably innumerable more Ms. Xs out there than there are Ms. Tebows. They are truly the ones that should be honored. But I guess their messages wouldn't be as effective for the Pro-Lifers.

I don't begrudge anyone for making a choice to carry a pregnancy to full term when there might be strong reasons not to. Indeed, that woman had some difficult issues to consider.

But I also do not begrudge a woman for making the choice to have an abortion. I am not the one walking in her shoes. I don't know what obstacles she personally faces.

Keep *choice* alive. Many pro-choice people don't believe in abortion and wouldn't chose to have one, but we do believe in personal choice. If you don't believe in abortion, don't have one.