Thursday, November 1, 2007

My Month

Originally published on MySpace on Nov 1, 2007

Current mood:drained
I think it was the day after I wrote my last blog, September 29th.... Mom had a stroke.  Harriett called me home from work and I took her to the hospital where they began checking her out.  I don't really believe there are any really good tell-tale symptoms for stroke, but I should know better.  We only knew she was sick and wasn't able to stand on her own that day.  She'd had a headache for about a week. After a CAT scan which revealed bleeding in her brain they wanted to move her from that neighborhood hospital to LDS Hospital in downtown SLC.  It happened to be snowing that day so the preferred LifeFlight by helicopter was out of the question. We ran from Sandy to SLC "Lights & Sirens" in the ambulance.
Learn to Recognize a Stroke  It was a bit disconcerting to realize, later, that she had so many of the signs.
Mom spent only a few days in the hospital and was transferred to a skilled nursing facility (aka nursing home) in our neighborhood.  She hates it there and wants to come home very badly. We expect to bring her back home eventually when she gets her strength & ability to walk (assisted with a walker) back. In defense of the facility, she has a very nice room with a private bath, large TV in an armoire, sofa and rocker/recliner, table and two chairs.  It's very much like a small studio without a kitchen.  
She's not significantly different.  Her memory and hearing are bad, her speech not noticiably affected. The biggest affect has been visually - she can't see well on her left and it takes a few moments for her to focus and see people approaching her. In retrospect I did see signs of her vision problems prior to her hospitalization, but she didn't complain and I didn't comprehend it at the time.  I could be sitting across the room, slightly to her left and she would say I'd left and come back when I had never left the chair.  I didn't understand what it meant until later.
I feel like a failure as a daughter through this.  I can't dispell her displeasure with where she's at by bringing her home until she is ready to come home. At times I wonder if she is ready and I am delaying it for my own convenience. My days are spent at work and then visiting her and then home to collapse and do nothing. The next day: repeat.  Some days I get so fed up listening to her repeat the same things over and over so I turn on her tv to help me pass the time. I know she doesn't like it but I can't sit and answer the same questions she's asked yesterday, the day before and several times this day. ARGH!!
I guess that is enough complaining.  It does help to just get it out.

3:20 PM
Post a comment...

    Katlanga SkyCherry Sending you lots of love and hugs! xoxoxoxox
    3 years ago

    ~~>Kim's talkin' trash! FAILURE?!?!? Never! You're going through one of the most difficult times with your mom right now, and handling things very well. Just keep doing what you're doing. You can't change what she's going through and the simple fact that you're there with her is more than many others accomplish.

    Chin up, my friend, and hugs to you!
    3 years ago

    Jeannie Corby Becker Ah sweetie you will never be considered a failure in your mom's eyes. We all have seen the signs that something is not right BUT we do not realize we saw these signs prior to the actual happening.

    You have cared for your mom as best as you could. She knows that. You know in your heart that she is not ready to come home just yet. You need to take each day as it comes. Maybe you could have someone else in the family visit her every other day so you can take a break. There is nothing wrong in taking time for yourself. You need to take this time and build up your strength so you are healthy to care for her when she comes home. If your are exhausted you will be of no good to her.

    Keep your chin up and I will say a few extra prayers for you and your family.

    3 years ago

    ♥Cid not so Vicious♥ I'm not sure which is more difficult--a parent caring for a child or a child caring for a parent. When the roles are reversed, it is just so hard for all. You are doing the best that you can and your mom is getting the care that she needs. When the facility feels she is ready to go home, she will.

    Like Kari said, we are here when you need to vent. Keep smiling, Betsy, things will get better before you know it. Hugs!
    3 years ago

    Kari Fisher Williams (((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((( BIG OL HUGGGGS ))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))

    You are NOT a failure. I think it is respectful of you to take care of your mother and you are doing a fine job. It is not an easy undertaking.

    Remember we are here for you if you need to vent!


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