Monday, September 18, 2006

Baby, you are the world

My mom drives me nuts. There, I said it. Contrary to popular belief, I am not the perfect daughter who took her elderly mother into her home and lovingly cares for her. No.  Sometimes I can barely talk to her.
I am going to refer to a song by Brad Paisley, The World. The chorus of the song goes like this:
To the world
You may be just another girl
But to me
Baby, you are the world
It's very sweet in the context of the song. But in real life it sucks. I am the third and last child my parents had. The first two are boys and Mom really wanted a girl. I am that girl. From the moment I was born I began being "everything." What made it bad, however, was my dad dying at a young age and my mother never remarrying. All through growing up I felt it was my responsibility to make her happy, especially at holidays and gift giving times. I let her down once when I was very young and never let that happen again. I learned that lesson quickly. Even as an adult, I go out of my way to make sure she had enough presents under the tree, etc. (quantity, not quality). My husband disagrees with me doing this, but he understands it's something I feel I have to do. And the holidays are always a bit embarrassing because she lavishes everything (junk) on me and basically ignores her grandkids, my daughters!
Fast forward to the present. Harriett takes on the majority of Mom's daily care. They sort of maintain a love/hate relationship. Harriett teases me about Mom's adoring stares and her need to ask me, no one else, for anything she needs. I am her "everything." Now she has begun whining about my trip. "You can't go to Seattle for a week! Who will take care of me?" Gah!!  The same person who takes care of you every single day!!  She makes this and similar comments often throughout the day. I get so close to losing my temper with her, but it would be awful to do that. However, I do get very short with her and tend to avoid her when possible (hence No. 2 on my Life List).
This got me to thinking about being 'everything' to someone. It's a HUGE job and not really very much fun!  I think it's something that young girls sometimes fall into when they experience their "first love." Boys too, occasionally, but I think it's more common for girls. The 'need' to be with their boyfriend that, in their minds, should supersede all other activities that their boyfriend may want to participate in... like shooting baskets with his friends, going to the races, going camping, working on cars, basically everything. And if the boyfriend does give up some or all of those activities, it's not enough. He needs to fall all over the girl, make her feel special, keep her entertained, and be everything that all the other people in her life used to be for her. One person replacing many many many people. Hm....sounds a little obsessive and sick, doesn't it? 
There is another word for this, usually reserved for older more mature (?)people... it's called stalking. Yep, someone decides that another person is the perfect person who can fulfil their every need. The person, who by virtue of being with them, will cancel out all need for other people to exist. And if that person disagrees, then they need to be followed, harassed, "data inventoried" and possibly even hurt. 
I am glad it's only my mom and even happier that she is basically disabled!  

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