Wander-Inn

Wednesday, February 25, 2009

Living with Dying, Introduction

Originally published on MySpace, Feb 25, 2009

I have been thinking about blogging this subject for a long time, now. I deal with so many emotions daily in my relationship with Harriett and her cancer, there are always words swirling around in my head asking to be sorted through. Today I have decided to do it.

This will become a series of blogs based on my feelings and observations and the factual issues of living with a terminally ill cancer patient. I am going to be brutally honest in what I feel. Because of that, I want to lay some down some guidelines for my readers.

First of all, I welcome comments. I am, first and foremost, an attention whore. If I were not, I would be blogging all this privately, but for some reason I don't totally understand, my desire is to just put it out there. That means that I will very likely offend someone at some point because this isn't a pretty topic and my feelings about it are not pretty. So although I welcome and encourage comments, I ask that you please refrain from flaming me if I offend you at some point. If that happens, you are free to exit the blog and not return. Sort of like the "off" button on the TV remote.

Conversely, because of the emotions I have regarding this subject, I cannot deal with being put on any kind of a pedestal. There are days when I am mentally flaming myself because of what I am thinking or feeling and to be touted as someone of extreme value when I am feeling that negative makes me feel even worse, knowing inside how extremely far from the mark I am falling. If you don't understand that, please just accept its truth.

Encouragment = good

Praise = not-so-good

Comprende?

Soon I will begin the real meat of this series and I really do encourage your comments. Share your stories and experiences, cry with me, scream with me, pray with me, and hold my hand.

Thank you!

Monday, February 2, 2009

On a lighter note....

Originally published on MySpace, Feb 2, 2009

Current mood:amused

The family that bought our SLC home has 12 children, (9 boys, 3 girls) and their last name is “Jeffs”

Ward Jeffs; Yep brother to Warren, Prophet of the FLDS in Hilldale / Colorado City. Only one wife in the house, but who knows if there are others in the community.

Who'da thunk it? Well, we did have 7 bedrooms......

Wednesday, January 28, 2009

Happy Birthday Mom!

Originally published on MySpace, Jan 28, 2009

Current mood:rockin

Mom turned 88 yesterday and I couldn't get out to go visit her. I seriously doubt she knew it was her birthday, other than for a few minutes around any mention anyone may have made about it. But I knew and I couldn't even go see her.

Today I googled her. She's had quite an amazing life in my opinion and I thought she might pop up on a google search. She did. More than once. But the most popular "Doreen Lewis" by far was Capt. Doreen Lewis of the "Private Benjamin" movie starring Goldie Hawn. (1980. Cpt. Lewis was played by Eileen Brennan)

The first two hits for Mom were Association for Women Veterinarians Records 1945-2003

"The Association for Women Veterinarians (known as Women's Veterinary Medical Association prior to 1980) began in 1947 as the idea of veterinarian Mary K. Dunlap of Kansas City, Missouri. It was her hope to form an organization of women working in a male dominated profession. A preliminary gathering was held in April with the first official meeting held in August. The first officers elected were: President, Lucille Dimmerling; Vice Presidents, Edith Williams, Elinor McGrath, and Patricia O’Connor; Secretary, Doreen Hatfield; and Treasurer, Josephine Brown."

Mom is front row, 2nd from the left.

and Guide to the Association for Women Veterinarians Records 1945-2003.

This second site is a listing of the associations archives by topic, box & folder. What it tells me about Mom is that she was also treasurer from 1962 to 1969.

I actually went through 50 google pages and found her again on page 50: Women Veterinarians in the Uniformed Services of the United States

This article will not allow me to copy the section I wish to, but the 4th paragraph is about Mom's military service. Sadly, it states that she was not allowed near the stables (wtf!?!) but not that it was due to discrimination against women. I believe she told me at one time the lead (male) veterinarian's wife objected to him working with her.

(Mom, bottom left)

My last hit, this time of her maiden name of Doreen Hatfield, produced the following: Veterinary Fraternities and Sororities.

Once again I cannot copy and paste, but paragraph 3 states that Mom was the secretary of the Kappa chapter of Alpha Psi at Washington State College (University now) in 1941. Apparently the all male requirement was waived or overlooked by the national officers and their constitution was not officially changed to accept women into the fraternity until 1974.

So, that is "Mom googled." There are many things that I think make her amazing, and I will write about them soon. Least of all, she raised three children alone after my dad died on Februrary 29, 1960. I was 3 years old. She never remarried.

(Mom today)

I LOVE YOU MOM!!!!!!

Sunday, January 25, 2009

George W. Bush Presidential Library

Originally posted on MySpace, Jan 25, 2009 (I probably should have left well enough alone and not moved it over here, but it gave me a laugh even after all this time. My mom would have loved this one!)

Current mood:amused

Dear Fellow Constituent,

The George W. Bush Presidential Library is now in the planning stages and accepting donations.

The Library will include:

1. The Hurricane Katrina Room, which is still under construction.

2. The Alberto Gonzales Room, where you won't be able to remember anything.

3. The Texas Air National Guard Room, where you don't even have to show up.

4. The Walter Reed Hospital Room, where they don't let you in.

5. The Guantanamo Bay Room, where they don't let you out.

6. The Weapons of Mass Destruction Room, which no one has been able to find.

7. The National Debt Room, which is huge and has no ceiling.

8. The Tax Cut Room, with entry only to the wealthy.

9. The Economy Room, which is in the toilet.

10. The Iraq War Room. (After you complete your first visit, they make you go back for a second, third, fourth, and sometimes fifth visit.)

11. The Dick Cheney Room, in the famous undisclosed location, complete with shooting gallery.

12. The Environmental Conservation Room, still empty.

13. The Supreme Gift Shop, where you can buy an election.

14. The Airport Men's Room, where you can meet some of your favorite Republican Senators.

15. The Decider Room, complete with dart board, magic 8-ball, Ouija board, dice, coins, and straws.

Note: The library will feature an electron microscope to help you locate and view the President's accomplishments.

The library will also include many famous Quotations by George W.Bush:

1. 'The vast majority of our imports come from outside the country.'

2. 'If we don't succeed, we run the risk of failure.'

3. 'Republicans understand the importance of bondage between a mother and child.'

4. 'No senior citizen should ever have to choose between prescription drugs and medicine.'

5. 'I believe we are on an irreversible trend toward more freedom and democracy - but that could change.'

6. 'One word sums up probably the responsibility of any Governor, and that one word is .. 'to be prepared'.'

7. 'Verbosity leads to unclear, inarticulate things.'

8. 'I have made good judgments in the past. I have made good judgments in the future.'

9. 'The future will be better tomorrow.'

10. 'We're going to have the best educated American people in the world..'

11. 'One of the great things about books is sometimes there are some fantastic pictures.' (during an education photo-op)

12. 'Illegitimacy is something we should talk about in terms of not having it.'

13. 'We are ready for any unforeseen event that may or may not occur.'

14. 'It isn't pollution that's harming the environment. It's the impurities in our air and water that are doing it.'

15. 'I stand by all the misstatements that I've made.'...George W.Bush to Sam Donaldson

PLEASE GIVE GENEROUSLY!

Sincerely,
Jack Abramoff, Co-Chair
G.W. Bush Library Board of Directors

Saturday, January 24, 2009

The Best Lesson

Jan 24, 2009

Current mood:blessed

I recently had lunch with a very dear friend in Utah. It was fabulous!! We met at Red Robin at 1:00 and left the restaurant sometime after 5:00. I don't remember what I ordered but I know it was delicious. But nothing was as rich & filling as our conversation. Rose is amazing!!

We talked about so much, catching up on the last six months. But eventually, somehow, I got into whining about an injustice done to me a couple of years ago. Rose's face went blank & I knew she had tuned out. But somehow I just had to keep trying to explain how badly I was wronged.

"Did you really want to be there?" she asked me.

"No, but that's not the point. My feelings should have been considered!"

"But you got off so easy, what's the problem?"

She was so right and so wise and yet I kept wanting to hang onto the injustice I felt. I was getting annoyed with her for not understanding, and yet she really understood much more than I did. I might have been much simpler had she just slapped me!

She told me she didn't want to spend our short visit together re-hashing the negative things we may have felt in our pasts. Our visit was about celebrating each other and our lives.

There was so much wisdom wrapped up in those 4 hours. I understood myself so much better as I went on my way. Then an email came that also reinforced that particular lesson from Rose.

The gist was to really give my problems over to God to handle. Write them on a piece of paper and then put it in the God box, a box my issues which I have turned over to God. Once I have truly given it over to God I have to let go. If God is to handle it, I have to get out of His way and forget it. There is no opening the God box and pulling my problems out to revisit. They are now totally in His hands. My mission is to be forward looking and leave the rest behind.

God really wants us to live happy. Why do we work so hard to resist His wish?

Rose is so smart!

1:24 PM

Thursday, January 8, 2009

Finding God

Originally posted on MySpace, Jan 8, 2009

Current mood:curious

This is something I wrote as a comment on someone's blog. It may sound vain, but I wanted to keep this thought and therefore I am making it into its own blog.

Many years ago my cousin and I were racing toward a beach to watch the sun go down. It was an amazing sunset. My cousin, who is (or was-I don't know her current status) an atheist said, "If anything could make me believe in a God, it is this sunset, right now." I have never forgotten her comment over 30 years ago.

There is a large tree which grows very close to my bedroom window. In these winter months it is naked of leaves and this morning its branches drip with rain. Every day I wake up and watch the tree in amazement, as even as it slumbers, it is filled with the wonder of life. Some days squirrels are racing through it, chasing each other and tumbling over themselves. They are amazing acrobats, virtually flying from branch to branch at times. This morning tiny little birds were playing leap frog in the rain, flitting over and around each other from branch to twig. How can I watch these shows and not believe in a higher power?

In Christianity we believe that 'the only path to God is through Jesus.' I am I Christian, but I think this statement is not true. God may have sent his son to lead people to him, but I think if this is the case, he also sent Buddah and Muhammed and many other ways to find him/her.... if God can be regarded as a 'being.' No single way is "the" right way, and probably no one way is wrong if it leads you to God. I believe it's a matter of discovering how God is trying to reach us individually and allowing all others to find God in their own way, without judgement.

Who is God and in what form does God reach out to us? It's a subject that I find fascinating. I have two people very close to me who are very near the end of their lives. I think it's important to know what you believe in a time like this.

9:18 AM

Monday, January 5, 2009

Pet Peeve 017

Originally published on MySpace, Jan 5, 2009

Current mood:crazy

... and this one is truly a "pet" peeve.

Every time I sit at the computer in our office my cat, Zori, comes and starts pawing at the plastic garbage bag under the desk near my feet. This makes a rather annoying crackling noise. She can go at it for minutes on end. I have no idea what she's trying to do. She just sits and paws and crackle, crackle, crackles!!!! argh!!!

She doesn't look like she'd have an annoying bone in her body, does she?